Forgive them and Parent Better: An interview with Jordyn Mickens

FLINT, Michigan — Many single parents, both mothers and fathers, are chronically burdened by the unforgiveness they carry for their co-parent. Even after healing, some still face judgment or shame about their journey to parenthood. In the Black community, especially, single parents are also faced with stereotypes and a general lack of resources to address specific needs sufficiently.

Forgive Them and Parent Better, written by Jordyn Mickens, shares real-life experiences of healing, growth, and forgiveness that have created a positive community. In this book, Mickens shares a level of vulnerability that requires honest introspection. Mickens shares, “I speak to readers like they’re my homegirls, or longtime friends. You truly get my authentic self.”

Flintside spoke to Mickens as she opened up in this intimate interview about how she transformed some of her darkest moments into her greatest joy through the power of forgiveness. 

Flintside: Who is Jordyn Mickens?

J. Mickens: “I am true to myself. I want people to know that transparency and vulnerability are who I am. I believe the things in life happen to me for other people. I want people to know the version of me that’s in this book is the version of me that shows up in friendships, at work, in relationships. I think my story is for other people, and I’ve kept that in the forefront of my mind for as long as I can remember.”

Flintside: What inspired you to write the book? Was there a moment that you knew you had to get your story out there?

J. Mickens: “Before my son was even born, God told me I was going to write a book. Just a couple weeks ago, I felt this heaviness to talk about what I’ve had to overcome. I spoke with another single mom about what she was dealing with regarding her son’s father, and I was like, ‘I probably should write this story.’

I didn’t know this girl. I found her on social media, and she shot me a message. Her son is 20, and she messaged me about my own story and said she could see herself in me, but she never forgave her son’s father. Hearing her say she saw herself in my story made me feel like, ‘Let me just write the book.’” 

Flintside: What have you learned about yourself, or about parenting, from writing this book?

J. Mickens: “I discovered something new about my ability to utilize different gifts. When I was writing the book, I didn’t know who would publish or market it. I didn’t know who would do the content. I heard God say, ‘This is a you project. You know how to market and create content. You have all the tools you need.’ So, in writing the book, I’ve also had a God experience, in realizing that my gifts must work for me in a real way in this situation.”

Flintside: What does healing look like for you today compared to when you first began this journey?

J. Mickens: “Healing today looks like listening to God the second time. The first time I’m going to ask questions. The second time, I listen. With this journey, I’ve seen how unforgiveness can impact my son and other relationships. So, healing looks like being quicker to obedience.”

Flintside: If you could tell every parent one thing about grace, growth, and healing, what would it be?

Mickens: “If I had to tell parents anything about those three things, it would be that while it does take a village to raise a child, it takes community for adults to thrive. So, with that mindset, it’s only going to help you to exist in the communities that help you grow. It lets us know that we need community and we need other people. That pushes us to become [a potentially jaded] person, or it pushes us past unforgiveness and past those ugly things to have to heal to see the other side.”

Flintside: What encouragement do you have for single parents who feel overwhelmed or wounded by their journey?

J. Mickens: “I would encourage them to be honest about what got them there. People often say, ‘You should have watched who you decided to have children by,’ but we have to acknowledge that people can present differently. Being honest about that experience is not just about being transparent about who the other person was, it’s about being honest about who you were when you got into that situation. Then having grace for who you were then, who you are now, and who you will be moving forward.” 

Flintside: Are there any more books or projects in the works that we can look forward to?

J. Mickens: “Yes—I am working on a journal to go with the book. I think healing is not final or linear. I think it happens continually. At the end of the book, a challenge is presented, but I think that exercise goes beyond the pages, and we must continue forgiving different people. Forgiveness is not just for your son’s father or for your daughter’s mother.

It is for that friendship that went sour, or that job or boss that hurt you, for every relationship you need to mend, and for every hurt you need to heal from.  I plan to create a journal that speaks to forgiveness, and the work of forgiving someone else outside of ourselves.”

Flintside: Is there anything else you want to share?

J. Mickens: “I want people to understand that this book is not about curing your unforgiveness. It’s about aiding you in the process of forgiving someone else and forgiving yourself. There is no cure for forgiveness and for a healing journey. It’s a continual thing; sometimes you have to reach back and grab those tools. There are even times that I have to reach back some days, as the mother of the 6-year-old boy with autism, with the non-participating father, and say I forgive him, I am moving forward from this. I have to ask myself: what are we doing right now, with what we have, to make [it manageable] for my son and me? 

Flintside: How can we support you? Where can we follow you and find the book?

J. Mickens: “The book is going to be on Amazon Kindle. After 90 days, I will put it in a new space. It is available for pre-order now here, https://a.co/d/iLg6ebh, and it will be published on December 1st.”

You can find Jordryn Mickens on social media, Instagram @withlovejordynanese, Threads @withlovejordynanese, TikTok @Withlovejordynanese, and on Facebook @Jordyn Anese.